Onward

Just…waah. I don’t care into details. But I really would like to go curl up and cry somewhere.

Or have a cigarette. It’s been over eight months, but I really, really want a cigarette.

I got reprimanded at work.

I think what bugs me most is how flat it’s knocked me. She didn’t tell me anything new–I was aware the work wasn’t done, I was aware I would be blamed though I’d explained again and again they were burying me. I knew. This opinion should not matter.

But I, 37 years old, survivor of a heck of a lot, widow and single parent, writer of six books, self-sufficent for nearly twenty years–I feel like a stupid, clumsy child.

that. I can handle eight one-year-olds for eight hours. I can dispatch cabs and tow-trucks and security. I can work a drive-thru lunch rush and barely break a sweat (if the AC works.) I’ve made wikis and websites. I know more than many people about theoretical physics, quantum mechanics, anatomy, astronomy…I know (in theory) how to fly a helicopter and why if a plane stalls, you shove the stick forward to get the nose down. I drove a U-Haul across the entire country–even though I had to climb into the cab to do it. I DID write six books.

I’m KD, and by Lork I am a great writer and a great person. Her failure to recognize reality is no reflection on me.

Someone on my forum wanted to know why I write fanfic, when I’m “good enough to be published.” As if the one precluded the other.

Here’s a great thing about fanfic: it can never be published. It’s not yours, it never will be. All pressure off. You can make all the mistakes you want, try new genres, write the worst smut you can think of, all the WAFF (Warm And Fuzzy Feeling) sap you care to…

Two years ago I stumbled on fanfic while avoiding writing Keen. I read a lot, and some of it was incredible. Lots of it was not. I got bit by that classic bug–I could do so much better.

So I did. In one day I wrote a thousand word chapter, ran through it once, and posted it. And I got a review. Instant (almost) gratification. So I wrote another one. I wrote a chapter a day for a week, and then I slowed to every few days. I was addicted–people loved me. But to keep getting reviews, I had to keep posting chapters. I couldn’t wait till I was done and then go back and edit.

On the fly I learned to write a chapter at a time as opposed to “just keep adding to the book.” Suddenly I was working in scenes, looking at my pacing, trying to keep the chapter-lengths close, end on a cliffhanger or smart line…and learning marketing. I stopped posting chapters as soon as they were done, I dangled them.  Before I took Nothing Ventured down, it had over 13,000 hits, and some forty reviews.  The sequel, Shades and Hues, had over a hundred reviews.  That’s incredible, at least for the site I posted on.

That first fanfic ended up at 45K, and the sequel at 75K. For both I posted a chapter a week, without fail. And learned writing to a deadline.  I learned to write smut, I experimented with comedy, I even wrote a pirate story.  All with no pressure, no sense of wasting my writing time on stuff I might screw up.  Because I was using my fun time to do it.

Some writers study writing from the start, but I wasn’t that bright. I wanted to jump right in. I still do that–I get hit by a character and start writing, then when I run out of ideas I start trying to plot. So I owe fanfic bigtime. It was so fun, I didn’t notice I was learning stuff.

A couple days ago my blog had forty-seven hits. I was delighted. The old blog continues to average two hundred hits a day, but this one has not caught up. The next day it had one hundred ten. I was thrilled.

The day after that, it had two.

Huh.

Ah well. Big news! I finished editing Flame!

Funny thing–I hated those six hundred words I wrote yesterday. HATED. Then I looked at the paragraph above them, and realized Flame had said something she never would, and led the story off track. Fixed that and PRESTO! the other scene I’d written fit!

So. Lots of last-minute shoe-horning—I decided this morning that elf-like or not, eighty was too old, and made her forty-three—later, I packed it off to Race. Now to not worry till I hear back…

That won’t be that hard. I’m going to be awfully busy. Monday I go back to work.

Blech.

I’m done. And not in a good way.

It’s 2330. I’ve been up since the roofers got on the roof at about 0600. I’ve screwed around with Twitter, looked at lolcats, done some laundry, and oh, hey, I actually wrote 600 some words. Not sure how many–if any–I’ll keep, but I did write them.

Cleared my desk a bit, put clean dishes away, loaded the dishwasher. Made the kid do math and chores and clean her room a bit. Took pictures of the cats in hopes I will soon come up with brilliant captions.

yeesh. It’s probably a good thing I’m going back to work.

Oh, and I fixed about twenty of the broken blog entries, and put up another Weiss fanfic. It’s here. All the usual warnings apply. It’s YAOI, and ADULTS ONLY. Ya hear me? kthxbai

From here:

An Oregon mother has filed suit against the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) after the organisation withdrew a two-year legal case against her for alleged file sharing.

Tanya Andersen and her eight year-old daughter were charged with downloading gangster rap and other music.

Andersen, who is disabled and a single mother, denied the claims and the RIAA decided to drop the case earlier this month.

The woman has now filed papers to sue not only the RIAA but MediaSentry, a firm which collects evidence of alleged file sharing activity.

Andersen claimed that she asked the RIAA investigators to check out her computer for illegally obtained material, but that they preferred to take legal action, claiming that they knew the time of the file sharing and the user name she was using.

“Instead of dismissing their false claims the defendant record companies persisted in their malicious prosecution and publicly libelled her with demeaning and repulsive accusations,” the court papers read.

“She has no interest in the violent, profane, misogynistic and racist music that the RIAA and its controlling member companies monopolise.”

The RIAA then agreed to inspect Andersen’s computer and found no trace of any shared music nor the software to do so.

Nevertheless, the RIAA still asked for payment and demanded that Andersen’s daughter stand trial with her.

The RIAA was also accused of telephoning the child’s school and asking to speak to her by pretending to be her grandmother.

If the RIAA loses this case, and others, it could open the floodgates to similar cases and force the organisation to rethink its policy.

WTF? Honestly, WTF? Let’s just ignore for an instant the fact that the were wrong, that they had the wrong person.

They wanted an eight-year-old to stand trial? They called the girl’s school pretending to be her grandmother?

The woman offered to prove her innocence (which she absolutely should not have had to!) and they file a lawsuit instead? Then when they do bother to confirm that they are wrong, they want paid anyway?

This is a joke, right? April Fool’s has come around again already?

I know this is old news, but I checked out the site. They’re still going strong.

Here’s the sad thing. I’ve used the legal downloads. Tried several different companies. And the stupid anti-piracy things screwed me over every time! You can only download them a certain number of times. So if I get a glitch or virus or whatever and my files are corrupted, I’m screwed.  You can only play them a certain way. With Napster, if you buy the songs but don’t pay for Napster To Go, you can’t load YOUR songs that you paid for onto your MP3 player!  And God help you if you get a new computer every two years.  In six years (or less, remember the virus?) you’ll have used all your downloads and have to buy the songs all over again.  Every last one of them.

But on the other hand–if I do download a song, it’s because I like it and want to hear more. So odds are, when I download a song by a person or group, I’ll get a couple. And if I like them, I’ll buy the CD. Oh, look! Legitimate sale for the company! You can bet I would not be spending $10-17 on a CD I did not know damn well I was going to love! (Brandi Carlisle is the latest example of this.  The Story is a great CD!)

So, RIAA, go chase someone making fake CDs. That actually does cost you money. File-sharing, though? That’s just expanding your fanbase. Live with it.